Equipoise
by Golden Lion Tamarin
Summary: An exiled Jedi raises two children under his own teachings, despite the opposition and warnings of the Jedi Order. When the threat of the Sith emerges on their horizons, and the two factions must work together, Obi-Wan and Anakin are challenged at the very core of their beliefs. (PERHAPS) PERMANENT HIATUS.
1. Prologue

"Your hand opens and closes, opens and closes. If it were always a fist or always stretched open, you would be paralyzed. Your deepest presence is in every small contracting and expanding, the two as beautifully balanced and coordinated as birds' wings."

-Rumi

* * *

"Master Kathari, you know why we have called you here," Mace Windu's voice sounded calm and strong, filling the chamber of the Jedi Council.

"I do, Master Windu, it is undoubtedly related to the birth of my son, Kole," Cado tried to sound stoic in return, hoping his voice did not give way to his racing pulse and muddled mind. Between the loss of his wife still fresh in his mind and the wails of his newborn son still screaming in his ears, Cado could hardly process the scene before him. Though he had played this scene in his mind repeatedly since the beginning of Lilya's pregnancy, facing the Council still caused his hands to sweat and shake.

"Not surprised by this, you are," Yoda noted. "This deception runs deep."

"Long has the Council known of my beliefs and of my affairs, though you may have turned a blind eye," Cado could hardly hear his own words over the loud _thump thump_ of his pulse in his ears. "I have found peace and fortitude in my love for Lilya. A pain runs through me because of her loss."

"We are sorry for your loss. But you have violated every aspect of the Jedi Code," Mace Windu's could not hide the disdain from his voice, his disapproval of Cado's choices standing like a chasm between them. Yet the words rolled off Cado's back, the negativity passing over him as a heavy wave passes through the ocean.

"I will not turn my back on my own son," Cado said carefully, finding Windu's stare. "He is a gift, born of a love and trust so unbreakable and precious that it has allowed life to flourish. But I also understand that you can no longer allow me to exist within the confines of the Jedi Order."

"Attachment leads to the Dark Side," Yoda cautioned. "Allow children, the Order does not. Jeopardizes the safety of everyone, this attachment does."

"No, Master," Cado replied thoughtfully. "It is not attachment that leads to the Dark Side, it is an obsession with control and an inability to accept change that takes us down that path. I stand by what I have said before. To fully understand the Dark Side, one must know hate. To fully understand the Light Side of the Force, one must know love."

"These are not the beliefs of Jedi, Cado," Master Windu hissed. "We choose serenity, not passion."

"Passion is but a small part of the love that can be shared between two people," Cado reflected on his tender moments with Lilya. The warmth of her laugh, the calm of her touch, and the way she challenged him to care fully and with intention. "The love I bore for Lilya has made me a better Jedi. It has taught me more about care and compassion than any mission could."

"You are no Jedi," Saesee Tinn said sadly, his eyes avoiding Cado's. "You have turned your back on us."

"No, Saesee," Cado felt the hurt in his words piercing his soul. "The Jedi Order has turned its back on me because it knows I cannot turn my back on my family."

"The Code forbids-" Saesee began, looking from under his brow towards Cado.

"Master Tinn, if this is my last audience with the Council, I must say my peace," Cado felt his hands grow calm, his words and belief bringing him composure. "The Order chooses a tradition that binds their minds, preventing them from experiencing the perfect balance. The life of a Jedi, a life of total denial of one's own nature, does not allow one to fully understand the living Force. You must allow yourself to become part of the Universe and all that it provides us with. Before the Wars of Light and Dark, our predecessors, the Jed'aii, understood this balance. The planet of Tython flourished in balance and so should we in turn. I will not apologize for a love that has made me a better comrade, a more empathetic diplomat, and a more giving servant. I have brought nothing but love to all I do, and I have embraced my experience with all my soul. If this ostracizes me from the Order, then so be it. But I cannot apologize."

Saesee slumped backwards to show Cado what defeat looked like. He could see the exact moment his friend gave up on him.

"Raise your son away from the Order, you must," Yoda replied. "Stripped of your title, and all association with the Jedi, you are."

"So it seems it must be," Cado replied. "Though I leave an exile, as one who has broken the Code, I humbly ask the Council allow me only one thing: to maintain my lightsaber. Through my years of service, I have made many enemies in the name of the Order and the Republic. To strip me of a weapon as connected to me as my own limbs would leave me defenseless, and I have to protect my son."

"Absolutely not," Windu replied. "The lightsaber is the weapon of a Jedi, and you are no Jedi. Not anymore."

"And if I swear to never use it, save to protect my son?"

"Under no circumstance-"

"Keep your lightsaber you should," Yoda interrupted Windu. "Leave as an exile you do, but on the Light Side you remain. Only to defend your son, should it be used."

Cado felt a wash of relief.

"I will return to Pantora, to my home world," Cado replied. "Should the Council ever need use of me, I will be there ready to assist in anyway. I bid no negativity towards any of you, and thank you for all you have taught me. I will do my best to always bring Light to all those I meet."

"You are _dismissed_ ," Windu's words were each poignant with contempt.

"Very well, Masters. Goodbye," Cado bowed, removing his Jedi robe as he left the room for the last time.


	2. Chapter 1

Chapter 1

"Just as a candle cannot burn without fire, men cannot live without a spiritual life."

-Buddha

* * *

"To understand the true power of the Force, one must follow a certain set of guiding principles," Cado said. He sat cross legged on the floor, his body poised and proud, grounded but reaching ever upwards. The muscles of his face relaxed, disguising the lines of age that had come to roost across the corners of his mouth and eyes. Across from him, his son Kole fidgeted, the tips of his fingers pressing and rubbing against his palms as he struggled to find the same stillness as his father. Meanwhile, the Pantoran orphan that had come to live as part of the unorthodox family, Caderyn, was as still and tranquil as the surface of an untouched pond.

"You must life simply, you must live sustainably, and you must live in solidarity with all life," Cado continued. The sibilance soothed Caderyn's mind, lulling her into something between awake and asleep. Silence fell between them. "Calm your hands, Kole."

Caderyn peered one eye open cautiously, finding Kole's gaze and allowing the hint of a smile to show across her face. Kole took in a deep breath before tensing then relaxing his hands. Stillness fell upon him and Caderyn followed in suit.

"This is why we have chosen a life of solitude within nature," Cado continued. "We live amongst the natural world and it binds us to the Force. We thrive and contribute to the world around us, and the world allows us to succeed in turn."

"But what are we even doing?" Kole questioned. "What is our success?"

"Our success is in surpassing our suffering," Cado replied, welcoming his son's curiosity. "Seventeen years ago, the passing of your mother left me feeling broken and trapped. I needed to again welcome the inevitable experience of suffering and allow it to unite me with the physical world, which suffers in its own way. This is what it means to live in solidarity with all life. When one being suffers, we all suffer together; and when one flourishes, we all flourish. This is the mystery and beauty of the Force."

"I do not suffer when a tree dies," Caderyn noted. "Why do I not feel the death of a tree if we all suffer together?"

"You will come to mourn the loss of all life, Caderyn," Cado replied. "As your connection with the Force grows, so will your connection with all living things. Even a tree." A small smile crept across his lips.

"Enough for today," Cado opened his amber eyes and smiled at the two teenagers before him. "Think on these lessons. Think on how we strive to live lives of simple necessity, and remember why. It is an important lesson, one the Jedi taught me well."

Kole rolled his eyes, brushing his mop of black hair away from the sapphire skin of his forehead.

"The Jedi are old fools," Kole sighed. "They did wrong when they rejected you."

"I would leave it all behind again, if given the chance," Cado rested a hand on Kole's shoulder. "Having the two of you has only strengthened me further. You bring me peace. The Jedi Order did not."

Caderyn smiled. Her earliest memories were thoughts of darkness and an all-encompassing loneliness, the profundity of which could only be experienced by a child left alone in the world. When Cado found her, she still bore the facial markings of a family clan she would never know. In time, Cado had helped her to wash them away. The three of them did not need family markings, Cado would tell her, because their family was the Galaxy and everything in it. The Universe existed between them, in the small single room cabin Cado had built in the woods outside the capital city, Pantora Prime. Caderyn felt contentment with her family, though she did not share their blood.

"That doesn't make them any less wrong," Kole joked. Caderyn laughed as Cado rose and walked away from their small meditation circle.

"The Jedi are an example of why tradition clouds spirituality," Cado explained. He crossed their small quarters and began setting a series of wooden cups and utensils upon a small round table. "When the need for order and control outweighs the needs that come most natural to us, then the path to the Force is lost. We can only hope they will see that in time."

"And if they do not? Then the Jedi are our enemies. They will seek to challenge us, won't they?" asked Kole. Caderyn rolled her lips inward, biting hard on them. His voice sounded tense and eager with anticipation.

"Do you want them to come for us? Surely you cannot. We aim to live simply."

"We do not have enemies, my son, and we welcome challenge. Yet Kole mentions an interesting aspect of our beliefs," Cado sighed, sitting at the table. "Eventually, our goal is to bring the same enlightenment to those around us. We must bring the message of the Force to the lives of others, but peacefully. The Jedi Council warned me of this when I left all those years ago. They would not approve of such actions."

"But why not?" Caderyn asked, equipping a simple crossbow and heading towards the door. "Why would they want to silence a message of peace and mutual respect? To teach acceptance of suffering and the end of suffering would allow us to lead the Galaxy into a new era."

"Those with power fear loss of power, and though the Jedi use their power for good, they are not above this," Cado tied his long, blank locks into a high bun. "They believe their message is the only message, and they believe it is a message for only those who are Force-sensitive. It is my understanding that all living things experience a relationship with the Force in their own way. It is not our place to dictate whose way of life is superior. Now go, before it gets dark. We haven't anything to eat."

"I'll go," Caderyn replied, slinging the bow across her shoulder. "It is my turn. I'll return shortly."

* * *

"The Jedi and the Sith… they're all the same," Bog Divian ran his fingers up and down a glass opaque with frost and filled with drink. "And there's something barbaric about them, the way they refuse to change and adapt. The fact that they are allowed to operate as some sort of extension of the Senate is absurd at the very least."

"Absurd?" Senator Sano Sauro sneered at his associate. "It's corruption. We are funding a group of religious fanatics."

"Their beliefs are foreign, to be sure," Organa replied, the three of them hunched over a small table in one of the many cocktail lounges in _500 Republica_. "But the Jedi have been our allies in building a Senate which values peace and inclusion."

"Your naivety is astounding," Sano chuckled bitterly, his eyes narrowed in suspicion. "The Jedi spin this tangled narrative of a Sith party that threatens the existence of the Republic, but how do we know that _they_ aren't the ones threatening the Republic. With their mystic powers they have learned to navigate the political landscape of every corner of the Galaxy. We can't continue to put our faith in a group of zealots. What happens when we don't fit into their perfect picture of the civilization?"

"They value democracy," Senator Bail Organa replied.

"They value a system that supports their fanaticism," Divian interjected. "And with the Separatist movement growing, we will see their ruthlessness as they deal with this threat. Keep in mind the Separatists were once members of the Republic. How quick our Jedi friends were to turn on them..."

"At _our_ beckoning," Organa's voice was strained with the desperation. He had come here to assuage the concerns of his colleagues, whom he had found himself at odds with before. But the Jedi had become the object of negative public opinion; the seeds of mistrust sown by Divian and Sauro had come to bear fruit. "They have served us reliably and selflessly."

"So you agree that they are the military of the Republic?" Sano was eager to trap him. "And why should a military be allowed to continue operating with such limited transparency. At the very least, the Senate should have total control of the Jedi. Eliminate their Council, absorb it into the Senate instead. The Jedi should answer to us, not the other way around."

"They are the Jedi _Order_ ," said Bail. "They exist autonomously outside the realms of politics, and they should continue to do so. I can see there is no convincing you."

"It's not us you should be so worried about convincing," Sano's voice was cold and devious. "The people are turning on the Jedi. It's only a matter of time until the Galaxy sees them for what they are: religious fanatics with too much power."


	3. Chapter 2

"The first lesson to learn is to resign oneself to the little difficulties in life, not to hit out at everything one comes up against. If one were able to manage this one would not need to cultivate great power; even one's presence would be healing."

 **Hazrat Inayat Khan**

* * *

"They are _using_ the Force," Windu stressed to Saesee Tinn. "I told you we should not have let him keep his lightsaber. Even after 27 years he still thinks he is a Jedi."

"But Master, there have been no reports of him using the weapon. We have hardly any signs that he is even on Pantora still. He keeps to himself, he's not a threat." Master Saesee Tinn followed eagerly behind Windu, his steps frantic as he followed the billowing robes of his comrade.

"It is only a matter of time until the Sith find him," Windu shook his head. "And his children-"

"Not 'children', Master. They are adults now. Cado grows old and weak. It is best he is not alone."

"Regardless, the Sith are our most pressing threat, even amidst the Separatist war. Should they find the three, we have no idea how they would react. Perhaps they would join them."

"But there are only two Sith at a time," Saesee replied. "They would not allow them to join."

"Then they would die," Windu stopped and stared furiously into Saesee's eyes. "And is that really the better option? I don't agree with their way of life, but I do not want them dead. You must go and speak with Cado. Tell him they are drawing attention to themselves. If we have felt their presence, then so have the Sith. It is only a matter of time."

"Let us hope I get there first, Master," Saesee Tinn responded with a low bow before turning to leave. He would see his old friend again, but he not entirely sure if it was what he wanted.

* * *

 _One._ A small rock with edges smoothed and sanded away by erosion.

 _Two._ A larger stone, edges jagged from where it had broken off from its home.

 _Three._ A rough boulder, precariously balanced upon the others.

Caderyn could feel them, heavy in her mind. Her eyes were closed as she strained to see through the energies that flowed around her. The connection was tenuous at best.

"You're not focusing today," Kole's voice interrupted her concentration and the stones fell with heavy _thuds_ onto the soil below them. "You're distracted. What troubles you?"

"I can't stop thinking about the Jedi. You heard Cado, with the Wars they will come for us soon as either enemies or allies. Given how coldly they left him when he was our age, I can't imagine they are our friends," Caderyn sighed. She stood to brush the foliage from her tunics. "And worse yet, I cannot fathom a world in which this does not exist, in which someone would take this from us. It is all I have ever known."

"As it is for me as well," Kole embraced her, the smell of dirt and pollen heavy in his hair. "But we cannot become attached to this. It is passing, just like father says. All things are temporary."

"And what comes next?"

"Who knows. Wars are trying times and this one is no different. But I hope we will have each other." His golden eyes found hers and she felt the comfort of his stare. Kole had never looked upon her with any jealousy or disdain, despite the fact that she was the child Cado had chosen himself, hand picking her from a group of dirtied orphans. His warm disposition was only matched by his kind heart.

Yet there was an eagerness to him; a drive to protect and to challenge those who would purposely take his family from him. It worried Caderyn, as she knew it worried Cado. In the streets of Pantoran Prime, on one of the few visits they had made there as a trio, a man once stole a bag of goods from Caderyn's shoulder. It was the few supplies they needed from the city, including a water purifier to ensure the bacteria of natural death did not infiltrate their bodies. Kole had reacted with such vigor, stopping the man dead in his tracks using the power of the Force. It frightened Caderyn to see their powers used so violently, and perhaps worse, saddened Cado into a silence that lasted days.

"I had to experience my misgivings and allow them to pass," Cado explained to Caderyn some weeks later. "Some pains are more difficult to let go of than others. When I lost Lilya, it was a much longer and more arduous journey. But, thankfully, the Force does not require perfection, it requires growth. And I have grown from all my sufferings."

Her mind fell to her parents as she remembered her own suffering. Even now, she had not been able to fully let go of the pain of abandonment. It held her back, made her fearful and anxious of the world around her. It was the reason she could not balance the stones, and it was the reason sparring with her lightsaber continued sloppily, even after years of training.

"Come, let us practice our steps again," Kole beckoned, leading her to a small clearing in the woods.

Cado had been cautious to allow them to construct their own lightsabers. He warned them that the Jedi would be furious and likely to strip them of their tools if it came to their knowledge. But it was a weapon of peace, should such a contradiction be possible, and the Galaxy was tight in the grip of wars. It had been the trio's hope that they would never need to use their weapons but to remain unprepared was not an option. In this spirit, Cado's lightsaber forms were defensive motions, never aggressive, always calculating the least offensive route towards submission and safety.

But Kole was faster, more rigorous in his attacks, and Caderyn struggled to deflect his blows.

"Push me back!" Kole exclaimed over the buzzing of their lightsabers meeting. "You're too defensive, you'll never be able to protect anyone, let alone yourself, if you cannot act with even the slightest offense."

Caderyn heard her breathing heavy in her ears, and focused on the rhythm of her lungs and her heart. She felt their energy flow through her and each blow grew stronger.

"Good!" Kole made to swing at her, a horizontal blow that would be fatal in more trying circumstances, but Caderyn blocked with finality. She returned the weapon to its hilt with a heavy exhale. "You're getting stronger."

"I don't think I want to be stronger," Caderyn replied, as she tied her hair into a long braid. "It scares me to feel such exhilaration. I don't think I can control it."

"You can't always be afraid of yourself, Caderyn," Kole replied, his strong, defined jaw still tensed from battle. "You need to let go."

"And you need to be more mindful," Caderyn responded defensively. "Why do you always have to seek strength? Isn't it enough to try to find peace?"

"We are to experience all things in balance," Kole raised a challenging eyebrow in her direction. "That is what father teaches us. And _you_ sound like a Jedi. Tranquility is a small part of sentient experience. Strength and anger are natural."

"But we are supposed to let go of those feelings, they lead to unnecessary suffering. Just because suffering is natural does not mean we should seek it out."

"Of course, but you remember what he told you after I stopped that criminal. Father's suffering allowed him to grow. It makes us stronger."

" _Stronger_ isn't everything," Caderyn huffed under her breath. "It's getting late, we should head home."


	4. Chapter 3

"Life is a series of natural and spontaneous changes. Don't resist them; that only creates sorrow. Let reality be reality. Let things flow naturally forward in whatever way they like."  
― **Lao Tzu**

* * *

It was a little after dark when Caderyn and Kole finally reached the small hut. Dark smoke billowed from the chimney indicating a warm hearth and hot teas. Caderyn's steps grew stronger, rejuvenated by the goal in sight as she carried the carcasses of three small galnuks, complete with soot-shaded scales and gills that still wheezed and flapped in the last moments of life, that she had retrieved from the borderlands of the marshes. It was not much, hardly a full meal, but the fish would be enough to sustain them.

"There's someone else here, I can sense it," Kole glanced at Caderyn avidly before sprinting towards the shack.

"Kole, wait for me!" Caderyn followed him, the galnuks bouncing behind her, dripping their blood and water down her back and neck. Kole slammed the small reed door open to find Cado sitting around the small round table, a hooded alien standing before him. The creature had great long, soft tusks which hung likes braids from either side of his face. Caderyn recognized his garb at once- long robes, muddied calf-high boots, and a utility belt complete with a lightsaber. Her eyes widened with the realization and turned frantically to Cado.

"What is he-"

"An old friend, Caderyn, please be calm," Cado's eyes smiled. "Master Tinn has come to meet with us. Saesee, these are my children, Kole and Caderyn."

The Jedi bowed but his eyes were spoke of a silent mistrust and worry. Caderyn and Kole stood tall, frozen in the doorway. The seconds went by as slow as an eternity before the two finally relaxed and entered the hut, closing the door behind them.

"I haven't enough food for us all," Caderyn said, realizing her words were empty given the situation.

"Not to worry," Cado replied as he brought a small wooden cup of hot water and aromatic leaves to his lips. "Saesee was just explaining to me how the Jedi have taken note of our training."

"You carry lightsabers?" The Master gaped. "Cado, we warned you about your own lightsaber, we forbade-"

"You forbade use of my own weapon, a wish that I have respected dutifully throughout the years," Cado said calmly. "However, I have found that there is no weapon with more respect and dignity for life and I wanted to ensure Kole and Caderyn's safety. I knew you would not approve," He smiled. "But then I thought you would never know."

"Never know..." Caderyn watched the Jedi turn away in exasperation. "Cado, this is unacceptable. All of it is unacceptable."

"Why? Because we do not fit into your _Order_?" Kole mocked.

"Be mindful, Kole," chided Cado. "Master Tinn has come here with our best interests in mind, isn't that true?"

"I am here with a message from the Council, because you endanger yourself," His eyes searched Cado's with worry. "And because once upon a time we were friends."

"Are we not still?"

"Cado, the energy here is enough. The Jedi have noticed it and there are at least two Sith in the Galaxy searching for an opportunity… they will find you as well."

"And we will be ready for them!" Kole exclaimed. Caderyn glared at him. It was only one more instance of his exuberance for conflict.

"You should follow her suit," The Jedi said, not missing her stare. "All of you. You should be wary. The Sith will not be as forgiving as us."

"Forgiving? You expelled him from the Order. Where was your forgiveness then?"

"Mindfulness, Kole. Do not allow these more bitter sentiments to control you," Cado's voice was stern. "Saesee, we appreciate your warning. If it is part of our greater destiny, then the Force will lead us to and through such a confrontation."

"You're not listening to me," Master Tinn replied. Caderyn flinched as his voice grew more forceful. "You are _in danger_. Stop this nonsense. Move into the city. Take on normal lives."

"I cannot stray from the path before me," said Cado strongly, standing to meet the Jedi's gaze. "Nor can any of us. Things will be as they must be, and we must accept them."

"Then you are a fool," The Jedi sighed and sent his desperate stare to the floor in defeat. "And there is nothing more that I can do for you."

"Let there be joy in our meeting," Cado smiled. "I am glad to know you are still well and I appreciate the care your being here has demonstrated."

"We will not meet again," Saesee replied, pulling the hood over his head. "May the Force be with you."

With those words, the Jedi brushed passed Caderyn to leave. In the brief meeting of their bodies she could feel his sadness. The ominous energy flowed through her, sinking into her gut to make its home, long after he left.


End file.
